Find Out After the Break!

What lengths will TV news organisations go to keep their viewers watching? Let's find out!
I just saw a report on Media Watch (a media watchdog program on ABC) about a Channel 10 news report. There was some amateur footage of a hot air balloon high up in a clear blue sky and the basket was ablaze. The newsreader said something like, "A hot air balloon catches fire with two people on board! Did they escape? Find out after the break!" After the ad break the news came back on, but there was no sign of the flaming balloon story, but right before the next break the footage popped up again, the hot air balloon's basket belching great tongues of flame. The newsreader said, "Hot air balloon on fire! Two people on board! Did they get out alive? Find out after the break!" At last the ads finished and the hot air balloon inferno footage popped up once more. OK, now everybody is ready to find out about the miraculous escape from the blazing balloon. They wouldn't keep the viewers in suspense for so long if the balloon people didn't get out alive would they?
The newsreader said at last, "Both people in the balloon died in the flames. Many children were watching the tragedy and they were offered counselling."

Don't Touch Me!

I've been spending most of my *downtime* (ha ha, makes me sound like a soldier!) reading a new fantasy series. What is that series? It is called The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever and I owe BIG thanks to reader Bixbloc for the recommendation.
Stephen R Donaldson wrote these books and I keep noticing blurbs that compare him to Tolkien. Somebody said that about Terry Goodkind as well and it turned out to be a bogus call if you ask me, but with Donaldson it's not hard to see why people have made such a bold comparison. This guy can write up a storm, no doubt about it. His descriptive powers are breathtaking, the characters are deep, and when he cranks up the action scenes you break out in a cold sweat. You've read a two-page battle scene? Of course you have. How about a 100-page battle scene that doesn't even get boring? Donaldson's your man.
One thing must be mentioned and that is our (anti) hero Thomas Covenant says, "Don't touch me!" all the time. I'm almost finished book two of the first trilogy and so far he has said this line at least fifty times. I've got to the point now where I can feel it coming up. He starts to get a bit upset at somebody and they try to calm him down with a reassuring hand on the shoulder or something and, HELLO! "Don't touch me!" Oh well, more and more I don't seem to mind it, just laugh. That's Covenant - that's his line, ha ha.
Another funny thing is I remember reading Stephen King's book On Writing and one part where he says that you should just write 'he said' or 'she said' after a line of dialogue, then he mentioned some guy who wrote stuff like 'he grated' and 'he ejaculated.' Stephen R Donaldson is that guy! Donaldson's characters go beyond simply 'saying' things, they 'grate' and 'ejaculate'!
"Don't touch me!" he ejaculated.
UGH!

I Know

I know what you're trying to do, but it won't work. Perhaps you think I will be discouraged or dismayed? Never in a million years. It is the weekend and nothing can dampen my spirits. Do you think your actions will send me in another direction? No chance. My resolve is stronger than ever and shall not be diminished. Is it possible that your behaviour is simply a misguided protest at the absence of stories about women reading on the bus? You see I am curious. Yes, that is part of my nature. Yet it remains a mystery to me, this strategy of yours. Surely nothing can be gained by it, as you must now realise.
Has it become clear that your strategy has failed?
No, no need for apology. I have already forgiven you.
Now let us speak no more of it.

Alexandria

Just got home from visiting Anders and his girlfriend Shiraz in Alexandria. Davros was also there. We had fun playing word games and drinking beer. The word games we played were the ones that come from the newspaper and there is a three-by-three cell box with a letter in each one, and in the middle is a letter that you have to use in each word you make. Each word has to be at least four letters long. At the bottom it will say something like if you get 15 words your are GOOD, if you get 20 words you are VERY GOOD, if you get 30 words you are EXCELLENT. While we are playing we have racial conversations since half the room is black and the other half white. No problem we can be honest and don't have to worry about saying the WRONG THING like if we were at the WORKPLACE. Don't have to be lame and say yes yes I am OK and you are OK let's hug and say sorry for being mean a million years ago. Boomerangs and guns are not allowed, only words. Discussion gets heated then cools down and everybody laughs. Different colours but all half-mad. Good times.

Feel Good Not Bad

I'll stay up longer, not go to bed yet. Drink another beer. Tomorrow Boss has day off and that is sufficient reason. Doesn't matter if I'm hungover when Boss not there. If hungover and Boss have a fit is hell on the nerves, but if like tomorrow only me and Colleague everything smooth mellow and stress-free. Yes good reason to stay up late drinking. Ha ha. Feel good, not bad. Why not listen to another song? Yes by all means. A fine idea. Another cigarette? Why not. Feeling good and it's late. Dark outside getting darker, yet growing brighter and brighter here inside. Glowing and feeling warm. A warmth and bright glow that is ever enlarging and growing. Lean back and spin in chair. Eyes don't feel bloodshot, even though they surely are. Doesn't feel like it. God, how quiet it seems, even with music playing. Maybe not quiet outside, but rather inside. Somehow at peace. Some awesome and rare inner peace.

House of Wax

Tuesday it is, and you know what that means. Yes, movie time.
This afternoon I left work early so I could see the 4:00pm session of House of Wax. Why did I choose to see that movie? Well, Land of the Dead was not showing even though I saw a preview of it on At the Movies last week or the week before, so I couldn't see that movie, the movie I am most looking forward to, and since House of Wax is a HORROR MOVIE, that is what I chose to see. I mean, I am hardly going to go and see Monster In Law, am I? Ha ha. What a CRAZY idea. CRAZY!
There was hardly anybody in the theatre. No wait, there were but they were all behind me. Most people don't seem to mind sitting a mile away from the screen. I do.
Some of the audience were worth commenting on, like the two teenage girls who came in and I heard one say to the other, "Is this a horror movie?' What kind of a question is that? What kind of a person walks in to a movie and asks a question like that? You tell me. It is beyond my comprehension.
Anyway, after the previews of stupid upcoming movies like Dukes of Hazard and The Wedding Crashers, the FEATURE PRESENTATION got underway.
In the movie, a group of *twentysomethings* are on their way to see a big football game. Huh. Already we don't care if they all get slashed to pieces in a very spectacular and gory fashion. One guy and his girlfriend seem to be the *nice* ones of the group. That girl's brother is along for the ride but he is a mean guy, or some kind of brooding rebel type, a bad boy, and he doesn't like his sister's boyfriend. Another of the guys is a kind of *doofus* or something, with big fuzzy hair, and the nice girl feels sorry for him and dresses him to look like "Elton John, only more gay", well, that's what one of the guys says. Last of all is another couple, a girl played by Paris Hilton and her black boyfriend. Yes, black. Ooh! Race-mixing! Miscegenation! White chicks on black dicks! Hey, really I have nothing against ebony and ivory coming together and living in perfect harmony, but the way it's done in this movie is not like that. Really, it IS done in a White Chicks on Black Dicks kind of way.
Anyway, one of their cars breaks down when the fanbelt snaps, or more likely is sabotaged, and they get stuck out in the middle of nowhere. A deranged-looking guy comes and offers assistance, but he is so scary, and his job is to pick up smelly roadkill and dump it in a ditch, so both he and his truck stink so much, and he's got a big scary-looking knife, that the kids say thanks but this is far enough we will walk the rest of the way. Poor guy. He was only trying to help.
They make it to a town where they find a House of Wax. Gee, the whole place is made of wax. Everything. Pretty cool.
Have you seen The Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Well this movie is a similar theme, where a group of fresh-faced but stupid and idiotic kids are tormented by a family of deranged middle-of-nowhere psychopaths. This movie is nowhere near as terrifying as that one was, but they still manage some quite nasty scenes, and if you are one of the hundred bazillion I've heard about looking forward to seeing the movie just so they can watch Paris Hilton get violently killed, then you will for sure get some cheap thrills.
The music in the movie was used in a stupid way. I recognised songs by Deftones and Interpol, but they were thrown in and quickly ripped back out again, meaninglessly. Oh this band is *cool*, let's throw one of their songs in for about four seconds. Cool. That way the kids will buy the stupid soundtrack. No you idiots, they either already have those songs or will simply download them. I really wonder if anybody was or will be idiotic enough to buy the soundtrack to this movie.
The movie was OK, kind of average, or maybe somewhere below average. (The final *melting* scene was really quite spectacular though.) I would have said it was pretty lame for a modern horror movie but I saw Chucky Gets Lucky or whatever it was called, and this one was nowhere near as bad.
Next week, if everything goes aright, I will see Land of the Dead. Hurrah! for zombie movies!

Made Them Laugh

I got two big laughs today. Do you want to hear about them? OK.
The first one was at work while I was doing the mail run. Parked the trolley outside the Members office and walked in, looked at the great pile of envelopes and must have got a horrified expression. There were two girls there and one of them said, 'Do you need a hand?' I said, 'No, that's OK. My balancing skills are at a high level.' That really cracked them both up. Big laughs.
The second one was after work at the mini market. I got my stuff and walked up to the checkout, the girl zapped it all through and bagged it. The woman waiting in line behind me was talking on her phone and I heard her briefly stutter, 'I..I..I..I..' and then regain control and continue her conversation. Automatically I repeated that out loud, 'I..I..I..I..' but not to be mean, only did it because it struck me (and I used to stutter a bit myself, you know.) Anyway, the girl behind the checkout bust out laughing, but trying to keep it low volume and discreet so the phone lady wouldn't hear. Got the second big laugh of the day, but without being mean, and the stuttering phone lady didn't hear anyway, she was busy talking to somebody.