Robot Helmet

After work today I had to go to the mini market for some supplies. I rode there on my bike and went in. I got everything then went up to the checkout. There was a man in front of me, in the line, and he had a little kid up on his shoulder. The kid couldn't make words very well but it was obvious he had spotted the lollies. I guess the father pretended he couldn't understand his kid because he didn't move an inch, and kept his head straight forward. Then one of the checkout people, an Indian guy, started calling out for the next customer, which was the man in front of me. The man with the kid didn't hear. He was wrapped up in ignoring the kid's lolly lust, I guess. But the checkout guy kept calling and eventually I said hey dude you're next and he heard that and went up.
At that point I could look up at the security monitor and see myself standing at the checkout, which I always do. I spent some time trying to figure out where the camera was located, which was tricky, then I moved my head from side to side and up and down, and shuffled to the left and right, watching my movements on the monitor. But I couldn't enjoy that distraction for long before I got called by one of the checkout people, this time a Japanese girl. I walked up to her and started taking my stuff out of the red plastic basket and told her don't worry about putting it in a bag I'll put it in my backpack.
'Is that for a scooter?'
What? Was she talking to me? Was what for a scooter? Oh. She was talking about my helmet, my silver bicycle helmet, that I was holding in my left hand.
'Oh, this? No, this is for a bicycle. It's a bicycle helmet,' I said.
'It looks amazing! It doesn't look like a bicycle helmet.'
Her face was animated. Her eyes were shining. She was smiling.
'No, it looks like a robot head, or a futuristic army helmet,' I said.
She laughed, her face seeming to radiate a pure and mysterious joy.
'What is that TNT on it? Is that who made it?'
This girl. This strange girl with her questions. And I was already falling, enchanted and falling.
'Yeah, I guess so. Yep, that must be it,' I said, looking down at the TNT ('There's No Tougher') sticker.
I believe we could have continued in this way for ever, discussing my robot head bicycle helmet, and maybe even other things, but there was the line, other people who wanted to pay for their stuff and get home.
With not a little reluctance I said thanks and goodbye. She still had that big smile, her whole face was smiling. And her eyes!
My God. But wasn't it all really a simple, small thing? She was only fascinated by my strange-looking bicycle helmet, wasn't that it? Yet why did it affect me so much? Did it somehow get into my mad head that it could have been more than that? Of course it did. This girl, who was clearly half my age, was using her fascination with my robot helmet as a clever way to start a conversation in the hope that it would lead to me asking her out. Of course, that couldn't be it. What a crazy idea! No, it was really only an innocent conversation, after all. ... But was it?
etc. etc., on and on until the sun explodes...

Phobias A-Z

Australophobia, Novahollandiaphobia - fear of Australia, Australians, Australian culture etc.
Ballistophobia - fear of missiles or bullets
Cacophobia - fear of ugliness
Demonophobia, Daemonophobia - fear of demons
Epistolophobia - fear of writing letters
Fecophobia, Coprophobia, Scatophobia - fear of feces
Gymnophobia, Nudophobia - fear of nudity
Hadephobia, Stygiophobia, Stigiophobia - fear of hell
Ithyphallophobia - fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis
Japanophobia, Nipponophobia - fear of the Japanese
Kneemaphobia - fear of the knee bending backwards
Leukophobia - fear of the colour white
Metallophobia - fear of metal
Nyctohylophobia - fear of dark, wooded areas
Optophobia - fear of opening one's eyes
Panophobia, Pantophobia - fear of everything
Quadraphobia - fear of quartets or of being drawn and quartered
Rhypophobia - fear of defecation
Sesquipedalophobia - fear of long words
Teratophobia - fear of bearing a deformed child, of monsters or of deformed people
Urophobia - fear of urine or urinating
Venustraphobia - fear of beautiful women
Wiccaphobia - fear of witches and witchcraft
Xenoglossophobia - fear of foreign languages
Ymophobia - fear of contrariety
Zoophobia - fear of animals

Source: www.aboutphobias.com

Grim Prospect

The TV is on but I am not going to look at it. No sir. Why should I look at it? Any kind of magnetic attraction it may exert on my eyeballs will be neutralised by me trying hard not to look at it. Blazes! It didn't work. I snuck a look, and saw white eyeballs. Thank you, that's all I need to know. Ha! Nobody has eyeballs that white. Only on TV. I won't be tempted to look anymore, knowing they airbrush the eyeballs. Maybe somehow I could get on TV and they could airbrush my eyeballs. Just once I would like to see my eyeballs pure white, not even a tiny bit bloodshot. Yet I suppose it will never happen. The TV people are obviously robots and if I went in to the TV studio they would, with their superior robotic technology and white wires, detect the presence of a biological intruder and hit the alarm, then I would most likely disappear, never to be seen again and would not be able to make my reports here, ever again. A grim prospect!

Stratu Comics a Reality?

I saw a movie today but tonight I've been writing back to my Tasmanian comics friend Simon James. Remember him? He said he wanted to make comics out of some of my blog stories, like the ones about the women reading on the bus. Well, I got another letter from him today and he says that he's involved with some zine workshop (he calls it 'Zine Idol' because it's a competition) and whoever makes the zine or comic that gets judged the best will win. And if they win, the prize is that 500 copies of this comic or zine are made and sent all over the place. And guess what? The project he is going to do is the 'Stratu Comics' project. So can you blame me for being excited and neglecting my movie reviewing duties? No you can't, because these things do not happen very often so I am naturally excited about it and wanted to write back to him immediately, tonight, meanwhile shamefully neglecting my movie reviewing duties.
But the movie I saw today was called The Devil's Rejects and it is Rob Zombie's sequel to House of A Thousand Corpses and it was very good and even very funny at times although sometimes quite nasty, but that was OK. People are getting upset by horror movies again. At last people are again making movies that have some nasty elements of real terror, unlike those lame Scream movies, and people are getting all upset and indignant. But you know, you must know, it was just a movie and these things did not really happen to real people. They were in fact actors who walked away after it all, with money in their pockets, quite unscathed. And you are supposed to be horrified by what is happening on screen anyway. That is why it is called a Horror Movie.
And I like horror movies, and this was a pretty damn good one.

Gantz 2

Last Monday I watched the first volume of Gantz and wrote about it here. I really liked it a lot. So today after work I jumped off the bus early again went back to the video store and got the second volume. I just finished watching it. Well, now I'm addicted to it. I'm addicted goddam it and can't wait to watch the third volume. There's something about this crazy show that's put a great big hook in me. I don't know if it's the quick jumps from a scene of brutal violence to one of exaggerated heart-wrenching emotion, or a jump from a gratuitous nude scene to one of stark psychological torment. It could be both of those. But could it be the characters, with their many and obvious flaws, but also their history of PAIN that is slowly being revealed? Yes, it could be that too. That for sure could be part of it. The excellent soundtrack and voice acting plays a part too. Even that power ballad at the end of each episode. It may be a little cheesy I guess, but I love it!
I am a Gantz fan now, I'll admit it. It's hooked me in a big way. And it's killing me that the third volume isn't right here in front of me so I could slam it into the machine and smash PLAY on the remote.
It's KILLING me.

A Survey of Some Recent Blogs IX

Well, I think it's time for another survey. I can't think of anything else to write about, so it must be time for another survey.
Let's take a peek, bracing ourselves for another barrage of stinking adblogs.

1. Dusty Busty - What the hell is this? A porno blog? No. A closer examination reveals that it's only another sneaky adblog. See, they put that piece of a sex story up front to get you hot and drooling so like a sucker you will rush to join this stupid Adult Friend Finder website.
2. Nos Media - A boring Portuguese political blog, by the looks of it. Predictably, even the pictures are boring. Snore.
3. Casamento Manoella - A Brazilian blog, the sole purpose of which appears to be displaying photos from some wedding. Who are these people? I don't know, but some of the women are HOT.
4. Greener Magazine - Hemp shirts, electric cars, panda bears, rainbows, tofu burgers, eco warriors, and all that jazz.
5. Nochalantme - Good grief, it's a blog written in verse form. And it's not Dylan Thomas either, but a 21 year-old Muslim girl. Is there any entertainment value here? Is the moon a tomato?
6. Snowy Land - A blog by a Singapore girl. Here you can read many entertainment-free tales of her work life in the office and with other people in the office, and text messages between her and them. It occurs to me that when you read blogs like this, you could be forgiven for wondering if blogging technology is in fact some kind of Satanic invention designed to make you gouge your own eyes out from unbearable despair.
7. Aventuras en America - You only need to know that this person, when writing about how hard he or she is going to study for some exam, uses the words "110% effort".
Meanwhile, I am only going to use 100% effort in navigating away from this snooze-inducing blog as fast as I can.
8. Dock Ellis - You only need to know that this blogger's most recent post announces that today is the thirteen-month anniversary of his iPod ownership. But look out your window and maybe you will see the fireworks going off in honour of this great milestone.
9. Sounds Like Trouble - OK what is this one all about then? Well, this chick Saskia visits Spain and goes shopping. That's about it. Sounds like trouble? Sounds like boredom.
10. Pensees Delicats - Hey, another Asian pork chop. She sure looks like a cutie, but they all do. Every one of these young Asian girl bloggers is so damn cute but their blogs are all so damn dull and boring. They could at least include photos of themselves at the beach. At a nude beach, preferably. We must have the Yin and the Yang! Is that too much to ask? Is it too much to ask for some reward for reading this boring stuff? Of course it's not.

Well, that brings us to the end of yet another Survey. What have we learned from this excursion?
On the one hand, there was only one adblog, but even that had some pictures of naked women, so while it was naturally a hideous and foul creation, at least you got a peek at some boobs.
On the other hand, the real blogs seem to be getting more boring. Are people actually getting more boring in this day and age? It seems so.

Flies and Mosquitoes

Three days ago I noticed two things. Flies are back on the scene and so are mosquitoes.
I was walking over to Market City to get lunch and flies started buzzing up into my face. They were everywhere. I looked and everybody was waving their hands around their heads, swatting flies away. The flies don't give up easily though, they come back and come back, like it's a game. At these times I always think of those people you see who let the flies sit on their face. They don't try to swat them away, in fact they seem calm and not irritated by those little bastards. Are they Buddhists? I've seen those Buddhist priests who walk along with one of their junior burger acolytes sweeping in front of them as they walk, sweeping any ants away so the priest doesn't step on the ants and screw his karma up, or whatever. Do those Buddhists let the flies sit on their face? I couldn't do it. I have to swat them, and I'll admit sometimes they drive me so bananas I get enormous satisfaction by squashing them, I'll admit it. But today I was reading something about these flies, and an expert said one reason they like to hang out on your face is for your sweat which contains salt and proteins - food for them. Another reason they do it is so they can meet up with their mates. How about that? Your face is a kind of singles bar for flies. At the bar your sweat is the pretzels and peanuts. Even if you are one of those Buddhists, would you put up with it knowing that? No you wouldn't. You have to draw a line.
Was it enough with the flies? No it wasn't. That night I saw a mosquito in my room. But it's different with the mosquitoes because that means I get to use mozzie coils again. I LOVE the smell of mozzie coils. Last summer one day at work I reached down for my backpack, had to get something out of it, but when it got up close to my face I could smell that mozzie coil smoke. Perfume! I like it so much that I was still burning those coils two months after the mosquitoes had headed north for the winter, or hibernated, or whatever they do. If I was a Buddhist I would save money because instead of having to buy mozzie coils and incense I would only need the mozzie coils.
Give me a mosquito summer with a crate of mozzie coils.
It's the simple pleasures for me.