It's been a long time since the last Survey. Could it really have been way back in July? Yes it was. Well, let's rectify that immediately and go on patrol. A bloggy patrol guaranteed to be truly appalling and depressing, no doubt!
1. enrevanche - Thoughts of a transplanted Southerner living in New York City. - Well, that's no fun. This fella (Barry) seems like a pretty decent kind of fella, a nice regular kind of fella not easy to make fun of. Nope. Can't make fun of this one. And Barry seems to like Kinky Friedman, so I guess he's a good egg. Next!
2. inzwischen - A German blog by a German, written in German, a language I can't read. Wait. There is something written in English (the superior language!): a definition of the word 'apprehensive'. I know that word, and can use it in a sentence: I am apprehensive about blogs in a language I can't read (unless they feature pictures of cute girls without any clothes on).
3. Lugano Beach - I think this one is Italian - another language I can't read. How diminished I am beginning to feel! Oh well, at least there are some pictures to look at. There's one of a mouse pad in the shape of a bikini girl with big 3-D boobs; a picture of Brad Pitt with his shirt open; some cute little baby bunny rabbits cutely sitting in coffee cups; and some pictures of people at a party, some of whom are cute girls. Fully clothed cute girls. Oh well. Not that I'm disappointed, you understand...
4. Rachel's blog - Rachel's profile says, "I'm easy going, witty, open-minded, I didn't like be around with troublemaker." What the hell does that mean? Who is this troublemaker she didn't like be around with? What kind of trouble did he (or she) make anyway? Rachel does not elaborate, it remains a mystery. That's not the only mystery in Rachel's blog. Half of her blog is just links to stuff without any reason why she put those links to that stuff. The other half is a bunch of photos of what looks like her pilgrimage to a joint called Cinnamon Rolls to buy some cinnamon rolls, including a picture of one of those cinnamon rolls that she no doubt bought and took home to stuff into her gob. Mission accomplished!
5. credit check only - A stinking adblog. Yet pretty amazing I got halfway through the Survey before one of these bloggy abominations popped up. Anyway, adblog robot, you know what you can do with your stinking credit checks, you robotic cretinous parasite. Away with you! Banished to the burning pits of the Duat!
6. ubiquitous lass - God Almighty, a 13-year-old robot girl blog where pop-ups pop up asking you to download some stupid program, which she has also put a HUGE ad for in the middle of her horrible near-impossible-to-navigate-around blog. Bloggers who willingly let ads be put on their blogs deserve to have their heads jammed into a toaster set on HIGH, or better still, thrown into the burning pits of the Duat. Anyway, this blog is not only annoying but boring as hell. Into the burning pits with you too!
7. jultra - Hey, this is interesting. This guy is against ID cards and seems to be paranoid of cameras seeing what he is doing. He also has a link to David Icke's website. My friend Anders has a friend who is a David Icke fan, and apparently David Icke believes there are lizard people in our midst. Well, lizard people or no, this conspiracy scene is, for me, a tangled web of paranoid insanity and I want no part of it. Am I making a terrible mistake? An ignorant fool unprepared for THE TRUTH? I guess it's possible, but I'll take my chances with the lizard people.
8. Your black sabbath articles - Ah! A foul new tactic by the adblog robots! To the untrained eye this simply looks like a blog by a Black Sabbath fan, but click on the blogger's profile and you find out that this Avery is nothing more than a robot adblogger. There is no real Black Sabbath fan there at all, just a stupid adblogger robot. Yes, it's the burning pits of the Duat for you, and quick smart!
You know, another quick way to tell one of these adrobot blogs is that they don't have links to real human people, real flesh and blood bloggers. There's no links there at all, only the default link to Google News.
You know, these adblog robots need to be blown up in a big explosion. How can we achieve that as soon as possible? Let's get our best minds on it immediately.
9. Deficient Brain - An enormously boring blog about the Iraq war. Post after post of gibberish that will make you snooze. A guaranteed cure for insomnia. An utter borefest. Goodnight.
10. Doc Holds Fourth - A computer robot. Boring as goddam hell. And this robot lives in Sydney, the same city I live in. Is my city being taken over by robots? Yes, so it seems, and not even by cool robots, but by very very boring computer robots. And this robot can't even spell his blog title right. Doc Holds Fourth? Fourth what? Award for Fourth Most Boring Robot Blog in the Universe is my guess. Check this sample:
'The nice part of it was the range of analysis techniques I was able to employ, from simple descriptive and summary statistics (means, standard deviations, counts etc) to cross-tabulations and on to multi-variate analysis using k-means clustering, principal components and MANOVA tests.'
Well, I guess that may mean something to someone, but to me it is boring and robotic. It's like a robot. A robot blog.
OK, well that brings us to the end of this Survey. Was it a success? What is your definition of success? Is it being thoroughly depressed and appalled? Then hell yeah. It was a huge success.