Tuesday, July 23, 2002 11:11pm -- Another day at work without the boss. managed to get a lot done. Printed 10 more SP#8s - this huge bloody back issue operation to put these SP#1-13 packs together that Polyester Paul originally asked me for. Of course it's a good idea, so I'm also letting everybody know that they're available to buy from me. At $40 for each one it's no chump change, bud.
So when I got home tonight there's a nother night of collating, folding and stapling.
Hit the Brown Bottle again, also this morning. It's on my mind a great part of the day - wondering how to make it last until Mark gets back; if I should really try to get the Hell off it... I also spend a lot of time brooding over my Goddamn teeth situation. I cancelled the appointment last Thursday, happily justifying it since I bought my radio, and wouldn't have enough money for the dentist. So now I'm going a week from Thursday. Of course, the time will fly and before I know it, that day will come. Goddamn teeth.
Oh, also today at work i made the invitations for ATOMISER #1, with the *Ancient* theme. Sent my Australian contributors one; tomorrow I'll send them to my International contributors.
Thursday, July 25, 2002 9:29pm -- I've been full of rage lately - it's either the downers, quitting Zoloft, or both. Sooner or later I've really gotta quit the damn morphine and STAY QUIT. Then see how my damn brain performs then.
It's been bloody great with M. on holidays - I've managed to get heaps of comix and other personal stuff done. Yesterday I printed more back issues. Only another day and they're all done.
A great proportion of my internet time lately is spent writing for my own blog Atomiser, and checking out other folks' blogs. The best one I've come across is BRING THE HATE by a young (18, 19, 20?) Asian dude Gordon Cheng. He's smart and full of bile. Calls everybody "fag" - his writing makes me laugh. He's good, not boring, which the majority of these damn blogs are. Fuck them - there's so many. See, that's why shit like 'links' and recommendations are so important. When you find somebody who has "got it" and knows their shit, then you can be almost sure that whatever they recommend is gonna be to your taste, too.
Good old Kapreles started his own blog after he checked mine out. And I've got good old laurie Adams at work to thank (he originally asked me if I had one).
The days whizzing by makes my head spin; it's already Thursday. You get older, time goes by faster. No time to waste fucking around, that's why I've gotta push myself like a bastard. I'm naturally a lazy motherfucker so i have to force myself to work. I'm so weak. So fucking undisciplined.
That thing I mentioned about these rages: I get them at work and had it today so bad I wrote about it in my blog. Small things make me so mad I shake and profanity pours outta my mouth like a torrent. Not good. Or is it? Sometimes it DOES feel good to HATE.
Saturday, July 27, 2002 11:57pm -- I went through the entire day without speaking to anybody. Well, I did go to the supermarket and said "Hi" to the checkout girl. And I went to the pub and asked for two bottles of beer. And tonight the phone rang but I didn't answer it. Whoever rang refused to leave a message. I suspect it was Nita. That has happened at least twice the past week.
I was happy to not talk to or see anybody. A day just by myself is so rare.
So what did I do? I read stuff all day: newspapers I found in the recycling bin and Celine's Death on the Installment Plan. Ate lots of smarties. Baked beans on toast. Ham and cheese sandwich with mustard, pepper and salt. Cigarettes. Beer later on. Also listened to the radio. My new radio is great great great. I feel like a kid with a new toy; one of the best ones I'll ever have.
Sunday, July 28, 2002 6:00pm -- What the FUCK are these idiots doing around here?! HUH?! These FUCKHEADS next door are going IN THE FUCK AND OUT, SLAMMING THEIR MOTHERFUCKING DOORS EVERY GODDAMN FIVE MINUTES! I don't understand what posible reason there could be for this NON-STOP IN & OUT SHIT. FUCKING MORONS CAN'T MAKE UP THEIR SIMPLE GODDAMN MINDS WHETHER THEY WANT TO BE INSIDE OR FRIGGIN' OUTSIDE. IT IS SOOO FUUUUUCKING IRRITATING!! It's making me so mad I wanna go and YELL in their STUPID FACES: "WHAT THE FUUUUUCK ARE YOU DOING, IDIOTS?!"
GODDAMN THEM FUCKERS.
8:13pm -- The next week and beyond is gonna be very interesting. See, I've only got 44ml of my magic potion left and Mark doesn't return for another week and a half, which means during the next week, no matter how I ration the potion out (and I am hopeless at doing that) there's gonna be one Helluva crash coming up. I will be sure to report all the gory details right here.
Ideally I would like to keep half of it for Thursday when I have to go to the dentist; and the other half for next Saturday which is Cath's birthday party. So if I manage to discipline myself to not have any until Thursday, I'm gonna start getting quite sick around Tuesday. Alternatively, I could ration it in smaller and smaller doses, which is probably a better idea. I think I'll try it that way. Mon: 12ml; Tues: 10ml; Wed: 8ml; Thurs: 8ml; Fri: 4ml; Sat: 2ml. Finished.
Stay tuned for progress reports.
Monday, July 29, 2002 10:37am -- Jesus H Christ this morning i had the most FEROCIOUS battle with a Moby Dick turd. i was sweating and pushing for all I was worth just like a woman in labour. Of course, it's all because of the m-potion. This is pretty disgusting, but it got so fuckin; desperate at one stage I put my hand down there and attempted to pull the bastard out. It felt like a chocolate crackle.
In a horrifying realisation, i recalled a passage in a book I read recently (Hamsun's *Hunger*, I think) where a woman lubricates her anus to make the shit come out cos she's so constipated - so I did it with soapy water. I really think it helped.
10:55pm -- Yes, the day is almost over buit still I say the most noteworthy event was my battle this morning trying to get that humungous fucking turd OUT of my body. I'm not exagerating when I use the word "battle", either - it was just like a very violent, exhausting fight with this damn turd that seemed to be trying to exit sideways. I was cursing at it; sweating, worried about a heart attack but really determined to get rid of this massive passenger I would no longer put up with.
Enough about THAT!!
In other news: tonight i had only 10ml of the magic potion. I feel OK. Tomorrow night: 8ml.
I really want to see BULLY tomorrow night, but of course money is supertight as it is just before payday. I'm expecting all this money to come in from people buying my comix but those bastards take their time. "Yes, I will send the money this week!" Sure you will... Of course, it's my own damn fault - I blew $200 last payday on this shit that makes it almost impossible to shit. Well, I'll see if I get this money I'm expecting in the mail tomorrow and decide then. See, another concern I have is that I fear that this film could be banned and pulled from cinemas any day. I wanna see it as SOON as I can. And $9.00!! I'm having problems over $9.00! What a poor bastard I am!
