I had a wicked bad crash recently, which is why I haven't written anything much here lately. I came down hard from these damn drugs I've been pumping into my body, and it was ugly. What follows is the lead up to this carnage direct from my journal. I offer it to my readers that they may get some benefit from this tale of foolishness and misery, even if it is just as entertainment; to be amused by another's suffering or idiocy. That's OK, that has been some of the most enjoyable writing to me, too (Bukowski, Celine, Hamsun). The 'action' starts middle of July 2002 and wraps up August 4, 2002:
Sunday, July 14, 2002 -- The goddamn little flight steward fag came down, rapping at my door, again tonight, while Mikel was here. We were only watching TV and he said the BASS was too loud. I said: "fer Crying out loud, I've just got the damn TV on!" Then he mentioned something about my noise at 5:00am the other day, and that really did it. I told him I am NEVER even awake at 5:00am any goddamn morning; it must have been the asshole downstairs. He pulled this SUPREMELY irritating face, with the stupid little smiling, shaking his fool head, like, of COURSE he knows I'm lying, but HE understands. That really burnt me up, so to speak, so I let him have it. Just to make him go away I said I would turn the goddamn bass down, and he went. Then I realised that it's HIM who must be the one upstairs who is always dropping friggin MARBLES or whatever the hell on his polished wood floor, there upstairs. So next time I hear ONE MARBLE hit his damn floor, I'm gonna go right up and tell him how much his marble-dropping drives me BANANAS.
(First, I should make sure that HE is the one who lives upstairs.)
Monday, July 15, 2002 10:46pm -- Wrote a report on Saturday night, working on the goddamn glostix stall at Utopia. I'm happy with it; I think I nailed the acute disgust I felt with the worst of these little rave jerks and jerkettes. Saturday was a new low. As I wrote in the report, after this last one, i really had to ask myself if going through all that is worth the money. I guess a week later it is. And I just concentrate on the fact that $100 of it is going on my Tivoli Audio Model One. The other $100 of course going on a brown bottle [morphine].
Tuesday, July 16, 2002 10:34pm -- An uneventful day. The only things I can think of writing about are comix-related business: Paul at PolyEster requested more copies of SP#13 (plus back issues, but he won't get those anytime soon because it's such a massive, daunting operation). The J Man and Steve Rehberger both wrote with praise for my Glostix story. Of course that made me proud indeed!
Wednesday, July 17, 2002 11:00pm -- Today somebody else told me how much they enjoyed my Glostix story. This person was Adam Ford - another writer. So along with The J Man praising my story, it means a lot to me. The problem now is that I want to produce something else, that is at least as good. WAAAAA! How do I do it? How the HELL do i do it, huh? What do I write about? Well, that's the main thing (or at least one of the real important things) on my mind right now.
In other HUGE news I got a call at work from Hi-Fi Junction and my Model One radio is in already - I'm picking it up tomorrow. I am so damn excited about this!
Sunday, July 21, 2002 11:45pm -- See! I knew it wouldn't be too long until I missed a day or two in this bastard. Well, I have something to say in my defense! I have also been writing stuff for my new website! Not good enough! No excuse is good enough. Excuses are pathetic. I lack discipline and that's all that can be said. And I shouldn't even beat myself up about it like this - I'm writing this shit, and WHAT have i written about?! I've written about how I haven't written about anything - how completely retarded and useless is that?
Man, I'm tired, and just wanna go to bed. I hope I will write something interesting tomorrow.
Monday, July 22, 2002 10:51pm -- King Brown Bottle is gonna be away for three weeks. Before he left I got two bottles off him (that was Thursday last) and already one is almost gone.
I am the King of justifying this and that.
Today at work it was just me and E. - M. is on 2 week holiday in New Zealand. Needless to say I got a lot done at work, on My GREAT WORK. Also, some high pressure occurred with my friend from way back Steve, over my comments on children (the little brats in my neighbourhood) - he fired back, I took it too seriously (apparently) and he got all defensive about his role as a parent; going on and on about how it doesn't cramp his style. I guess I touched a nerve. I think HE was the one who took things too seriously.
