well goddamn fuck it - I haven't got enough goddamn money to go and see BULLY tonight. I'll have to see it on Thursday when I get paid.
If you have a weak stomach, do NOT read the following:
Jesus H Christ, this morning I had the most FEROCIOUS battle with a MOBY DICK turd. I was sweating and pushing for all I was worth, just like a woman in labour. Of course, it's all because of the M-potion.
This is pretty disgusting, but will illustrate how desperate I was: it got so desperate at one stage that when I finally got the bastard part way out, I put my hand down there and tried to manually pull it out, because it seemed to have stopped its progress. It felt like a chocolate crackle. In a horrifying realisation, I recalled a passage in a book I read recently (Hamsun's HUNGER, I think) where a woman admits she sometimes has to lubricate her anus to make the shit come out, she is so constipated. So in desperation I tried that myself with all I had at hand: soapy water. It definitely helped. (Make a note of that advice, dear readers!)
[Later...] OK, the day is almost over but still the most noteworthy event was my battle this morning trying to get that humongous turd OUT of my body. I'm not exaggerating when I use the term "battle", either - it was just like a violent, exhausting fight with this damn turd that seemed to be trying to exit SIDEWAYS. I was CURSING at it, sweating, worried about a heart attack but really determined to be rid of this massive passenger I would no longer put up with. Finally out it came. What a relief! I went over and looked at my face in the mirror - I looked like I had really been through hell.
