Why is it still so hot at this late hour (9:20pm)? That's what I'd like to know. Actually, it is not hot, but humid. You know, it's not the heat that gets you so much as the humidity. Have you heard that one before? I'll bet you have. If you live in a place that has high humidity in summer, you will have heard that line, or a subtle variation of it. Well, I've heard it enough times, man. I know very well it's the goddam humidity and not the heat! Everybody friggin' knows that already! I'll tell you what, man, the next time somebody says that to me, about it not being the heat but the goddam humidity that gets you, I will ask them if that's the best they can come up with.
'Is that the best you got?' I will say. Then I'll start windmilling my arms and shout:
'Everybody knows that already and you're only saying it because you can't think of anything else to say, you goddam robot! Get some new material!'
Of course, I would never really say that. What I would say would be something like this:
'You know what? You're quite right! It IS the humidity and not the heat! Because, if you just have the heat, you can sit in the shade and cool down, but with the humidity, you can't even sit in the shade! It won't work! You will still be sweating like a maniac! It's that humidity, is what it is! You're quite right, I say!'
And I'll have twisted my face up into a grotesque expression of intense admiration.
Then that person will give me a funny look, and walk away.