I Am Back From My Holiday

Yes, hello, here I am back from my holiday. I got back this afternoon. I am thankful to be here because when the jet was coming down through the clouds above Sydney the turbulence rattled the vehicle savagely. I was sitting in the emergency exit seat right up the front. The male and female flight attendants were right in front of me and I paid careful attention to their facial expressions to see if the rattling and shaking would have any effect, but no, they were professionals. They were completely calm, on the outside anyway. Well, come to think of it, they probably experience that kind of shaking at least once a week.
Where did I go for my holiday? I am glad you asked. I went to the Gold Coast. The Gold Coast? you say. That's right. The Gold Coast, in Queensland, just across the New South Wales border. I stayed in an apartment on the 13th floor with an enormous balcony overlooking the beach. My brother was there too. My brother and I went to the Gold Coast.
Here is a typical day as it unfolded:
I get up at 10:00am and play Final Fantasy X until midday when my brother rises. That is the best time to play that game because Brother hates it with a passion and ridicules it often and loudly. It saves a lot of trouble to simply play it while he is still asleep. But then I usually can't help playing it for another hour or so, as I hear him out on the balcony making frequent comments as to the quality of the game and everything in it. It doesn't bother me, after all he likes sports games.
Anyway, then there is the changeover: I take my Final Fantasy X disc out of the machine and he puts in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and begins a session of that while I exit the building and take myself along to the newly discovered kebab shop Mesopotamia. The woman there is very nice and the ingredients are exceptional, fresh and home-made. The hommus, garlic sauce and felafels are particularly outstanding. The first day I went there, which was last Sunday, Mother's Day, the woman wished me Happy Mother's Day! which I found amusing and strange. I have never been wished Happy Mother's Day before. (I had been under the impression that the woman was Egyptian, but yesterday when I was talking to her, commenting on the excellent ingredients, she said something that made me ask her if she was not Egyptian. She admitted that she was from Kurdistan but that country no longer existed. The Kurdistanis were now living in five countries. Her religion was the sun, moon and stars (??? have to investigate this..) She said "Religion should be here," and put her palm across her breast. She also mentioned having to get out of bed at 3:00am to turn a light on and open the window. I asked her if this was to do with Islam and having to pray and she nodded. Anyway, she was a real nice lady and I hope she is still there next time.
OK, so I have my felafel roll (or kebab) and return to the apartment. Brother is still playing San Andreas. I eat the kebab and watch him trying to jump his car across the river but not making it, landing with a splash in the water and cursing.
I lie on the floor reading another gaming magazine (bought five during the week - a new record) then at around 2:00 we take ourselves outside and walk to Pacific Fair, the enormous indoor/outdoor shopping mall. I feel incredibly old walking past yet another heartbreakingly desirable young woman. God Almighty, I think, she's probably 14.
We walk into one store after another. I feel like a robot. Or is everybody else a robot? They are carrying so many bags. Maybe they do it every week. Go and buy bags and bags more stuff. Walk into their home with bags and bags piled high to the ceiling. Eventually they suffocate and are never seen again.
I only buy another videogame magazine, then we go to the food hall and have some Portuguese chicken burgers with eye-watering portions of chilli. Everybody in the food hall is looking around at everybody else. I just want to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible.
At about 4:30 we return to the apartment. Room 13D. Door opens with a plastic card. Brother returns to playing San Andreas and I return to the floor to carefully examine my new videogame magazine. Every now and then Brother yells for me to look at the exciting thing happening on the screen; moments later I yell back at him to pause the game so I can read him something about a Japanese RPG. We are enjoying ourselves immensely.
We watch some TV from 6:00-7:30 then head out again, this time for dinner. We have chicken schnitzel with chips and salad. Brother asks for a bucket of barbecue sauce for the chips and I ask for a bucket of lemons and one of tartare sauce for the schnitzel. The food is unrecognisable beneath oceans of sauces. We eat too fast, it can't be helped, then we get out of there at high speed, back to the apartment.
On the way we pick up a carton of VB and a bottle of Wild Turkey.
We drink and watch some stuff on TV. Later we play Ricky Carmichael's motocross game, the only sports game I will play.
Even later we switch the game off and go back to TV. World's Wildest Police Chases (with the excellent Sheriff John Bunell) and Cheaters. Not to forget some Jerry Springer action to perfect the evening's entertainment. The humanity!
3:00am we've had about as much excitement as we can handle and call it a day.
THE END.