Friday, September 16, 2005

Aimless Ceiling Journey

When I got home from work yesterday I had something to eat then went to lie on the bed to smoke a cigarette and read my book. Lying down on my back holding the book above my head, I detected a movement. There was something moving on the ceiling. I jumped up to make an inspection of the phenomena. Goddam it, it looked like a cockroach. Jumping up on my bed putting my head up close I got a look at it and for sure it was a cockroach, but as I was formulating some kind of eradication strategy I realised it was one of those bathroom cockroaches. These usually start off real small and I see them hanging around in my bathroom sink in the summer. They are real slow, real stupid. I play hide and seek with them. When they somehow detect my presence they look left and right, then left, then right, back and forth, figuring out their next move. It takes a long time, but then it will run under the toothbrush. I'll pick up the toothbrush and it's like the little dude still thinks the toothbrush is there, but then I send a breath of air in his direction and he realises that he's in the open again, in some kind of danger, possibly. He goes through his frantic looking-around routine again, then makes for the rubber sink plug. It's quite touching really. When I first noticed this idiot behaviour it was obvious to me these were a different species to those superfast intelligent kitchen cockroaches which you will see for a split second before they disappear in a flash. Those cockroaches are like the Green Berets of the cockroach society, while these bathroom cockroaches are the Beavis and Buttheads of it. That was why I let them be when I first discovered them. They became, late at night in my merry beer-fueled state, sort of like little pets. How could I kill these poor little idiots? They were small comical creatures only going about their mysterious life in my bathroom.
Anyway, back to last night and there was one of them on my ceiling. This one was a pretty big one, grown up to almost an inch. There was no way I was gonna kill it, so I lay back down with my book. But I kept looking up at this creature as he journeyed across my ceiling. But what an aimless journey! He walked over to one side, then another side, then down one end, then the other end, then backtracked here, to there, back to here, to there yet again, over and over, as though he had a short term memory span of thirty seconds. New territory! I'll investigate!
Funny that even though this creature was quite harmless, every time it got directly above me I would go on guard ready just in case it fell on me. I was ready to move fast away from this poor dumb tiny harmless creature. And me, a big tough human!
And how the hell did it walk upside down on the ceiling like that? Yes, I know spiders and all kinds of insects can do it, but do they know they are upside down? Does the world appear upside down to them? Do they feel superior looking down at us stuck on the floor looking up marvelling at this amazing feat?
Anyway, that bathroom cockroach walked back and forth around my ceiling all night. Was he trying to find his way back to the bathroom? What the hell was he doing up there? He sure as hell appeared to be completely lost, or not be able to find his way to where he wanted to go, or belonged, which was the bathroom. I wished I could read his mind, then I could help him.
When I came home from work today he was gone from the ceiling. Where is he now? That lost bathroom cockroach. Does he wonder about me? Was he mad that I didn't help him find his way back to the bathroom?


J C said...

When Chico the Wonder Dog does that(walk back and forth like he's looking for something-on the floor not the ceiling) I let him outside. Now you might have to either train this guy or clean up a spot on the ceiling.

sandy said...

Way, way, way too much time on your hands. Both of you.

Stratu said...

Here's to Chico the Wonder Dog and people who have WAY too much time on their hands!