The Amityville Horror

Today I finally got to see The Amityville Horror. I have to write about the audience members first because they severely diminished my enjoyment of the movie. It is still hard to believe what I witnessed.
First of all, two girls came and sat down in front of me. They were young and very cute and smelled wonderful, intoxicating. Then to my horror I noticed that the girl on the left continually, throughout the entire movie, at five-minute intervals, pulled out her stupid phone and stared at the stupid little screen and fiddled with the stupid little buttons. Did I mention she did this THROUGHOUT THE ACTUAL MOVIE? It was beyond my comprehension. Can somebody explain this behaviour to me? Is this the great and often praised ability of this generation known as MULTITASKING? Multitasking be damned I say! Give me art! Art, uninterrupted by robots wanking their idiotic little phones!
Secondly of all, long after I had chosen my seat, in an excellent position, and just as the movie was about to begin, some junior burger and his girlfriend decided to sit right next to me. Right next to me I say! When there were HALF A MILLION unoccupied seats as far as the eye could see! And do you think they had the courtesy to leave ONE MEASLY SEAT between me and them? NO. They sat right next to me, right up against my person. And furthermore, do you think they had the courtesy to position themselves with the cute girlfriend next to me? No. The hairy-assed boyfriend sat next to me.
Make no mistake, life is cruel and unkind.
Well, my immediate idea was to move the hell away, get some goddam space between myself and these horribly inconsiderate lovebirds. UGH. But then, I got another idea into my head. Maybe they expected me to move! Of course it would be a victory to them! Oh, the cunning of these young devils! Well, if they could put up with it, I could put up with it! (Yes, I am an idiot, no need to point it out. I should have simply moved the fuck somewhere else.)
It was very hard to put up with. It was hard to concentrate on the movie. I am sure I missed quite a bit of the movie due to hotly simmering over the situation. It was clear that it did not bother them in the least. The girl was too busy shaking like a leaf at the nerve-shattering horror being played out on the screen, and her boyfriend was too busy playing the hero, consoling and reassuring the poor shivering little thing.
To the movie! I enjoyed the movie. There were some good scares. The little dead girl was cool. *The Library Nazi* from Seinfeld was in it. At some particularly inappropriate moment I laughed out loud and saw the two girls in front of me tense up. That was amusing.
The movie was pretty good.
The audience deserved to be stuck in the neck with a letter opener.