Friday, April 08, 2005

A Survey of Some Recent Blogs V

Now I continue my quest for good blogs! There must be one or two out there. There has to be. Let me steel myself. I'm going in...

1. A girl has written a list of random stuff about herself. #35 is all you need to know: 'My biggest dream is to swim with dolphins.' Uh huh. You and about five hundred million other New Age idiots.
2. PropheticNews. A fellow completely obsessed with the imminent end of the world. Oh. He is a Catholic. Apparently Pope John Paul II will be buried falsely (?) and then an anti-Pope will be appointed. Plagues of insects, frogs, locusts, etc etc etc... *ZZZZZZZZZZZ*
3. 'Welcome to Heaven! Click on any of the cute little bears to navigate through the site!' Gee, sounds tempting. How could I refuse? Easy. Next!
4. A baseball fan's blog. What have I learnt here? That Tony Blanco should NEVER come to bat against a power pitcher like Billy Wagner. If I was Tony Blanco and armed with information like this, I would walk onto the field with my bat and a high powered handgun tucked into the waistband of my baseball pants, and just as ol' Billy Wagner started up his fancy showoff wind-up, I'd pull out my handgun and blow the bastard's pitching arm off at the shoulder and grin like an idiot while I watched him rolling around spraying hot jets of blood in screaming horrified agony. Problem solved.
5. *Student and professional skateboarder* writes boringly about how tough his stupid homework is and how he got a job in a restaurant. *yawn* It appears that this idiot robot has also voluntarily put an ad on its blog for those white wire personal audio devices. It occurs to me that the kids are NOT alright.
6. Argentinian blog. One post. Can't read it. Don't care.
7. Cheap Printers ad blog. Goddam ass vomit fuck ad blog. I will find you, hunt you down, sooner or later, I will never rest, never sleep, will find you and corner you and grab you and twist your head off and throw it at the wall and watch it bounce off, splashing blood comically, and catch it again, look into your dead ad blogger eyes, laugh, scratch my ass lazily, then put your stupid bleeding dumb severed ad blog head into a cardboard box and mail it to the North Pole.
8. Evil Ang's blog. EVIL Ang? No, she is not EVIL. Nothing anybody describes as EVIL these days is actually evil. But she does use the term 'blow this popsicle stand', which forces me in the opposite direction at high speed, so she may as well be evil, I guess.
9. [Must stop for a minute to watch music video on Rage by band called Sahara Hotnights. Girl band. Handstands.]
10. Here is a guy who has recently stopped smoking. He says that he can tell when a smoker comes into the room, but that is not so bad. What is bad is when he is in an elevator full of people who have been smoking. 'Urgh. I can't believe I had that odour hanging over me.' He then apologises to everybody for his former odour. He apologises. For his tobacco smoke odour. He is sorry about it.
Ugh. That's all. I've had enough. I feel sick. No good blogs, not one. I know they are out there, but I can't find them.

1 comment:

Matter-Eater Lad said...

me likey your writing on the baseball blog.