The Jerk Couldn't Kill Me

Thought he could get rid of me, did he? He'll have to do better than that! Ha!
And he's welcome to the comix, just as long as he doesn't make a total mess of it all (which is definitely probable, heh heh). I guess he learnt enough about the biz when he was my Minister of Propaganda back in the day, or I hope he did for his sake, the rotten bastard. Anyway, the arrangement couldn't be better as far as I'm concerned. The heat is off me now, so I can get back to my beloved video games without any annoying guilt trips and all that stuff! Ding dong.

Important Redirection!

This site will close down imminently! Please bookmark this site http://blackguard23.livejournal.com/ to follow the progress of new comix zine anthology Blackguard (successor to the legendary Sick Puppy Comix!), the death(?) of Stratu and ascendancy of twin brother Max Black!

A Blackguard Update!

An update on the Blackguard front: one of my old contributors has elected to come aboard! Since we last worked together he has changed his name to Hugo (but here's a hint: he did the Popeye cover for SP#12)! Check out more of his stuff here.
Also, this morning I received a reply from Doug Iannucci (that creator of the wonderful and heartwarming Stan and Edna Nats) who proclaimed his great joy that I was launching a brand new comix zine anthology wingding, and that he would produce and send a contribution during his imminent vacation in sunny Rhode Island!
Yes! Everything is coming together magnificently!

Blackguard

Our new comix zine anthology has a name! Blackguard. I've loved that word for a long time, you see, and it seems to fit perfectly, since the intent and format will be a progression on that of Sick Puppy and Atomiser. Plus I intend to track down many of my old contributors. That's one of the next steps. Also need to find out if the Newcastle zine festival is on again later this year, since I've missed the last three or four years, and the aim is to have the first issue out for that, and to launch it there.

Update: Yep, found out that the Newcastle zine fair (part of the NYWF) is on Sunday 5 October 2008, which means I'll probably have to set the deadline for contributions to Blackguard #1 for 31 August. What! How the fuck is that possible?! OMFG, that's like six freakin' weeks or something. Well, I better do the fuckin' hustle then, eh?

Update 2: I've been going through the folder of stuff that folks sent in for Atomiser 2, with the 'father' theme, and most of it is so damn good I figure if I don't follow through with it I must surely stick a big knife in my stomach and rip it out of my side in utter shame and disgrace, so the idea is to publish that between Blackguard 1 and 2. Gods! I am a GENIUS!

New Comix Zine Anthology Announcement!

I've been thinking about this for months now, getting revved up more and more. And you know what? It's time to put together another comix zine anthology. After Sick Puppy (which went from shitness to greatness (not only my opinion, there) in six years, over thirteen issues) then Atomiser, which never really went anywhere, since I only put out one fucking issue, because I had my own big 'issue', years have passed and I have been treading water with a thumb up my arse, to put it one way. To put it another way, I miss doing a comix zine anthology. So goddamn it it's time to git back on the damn saddle, boy.

Bus Jerk

I was on the bus today and there was an idiot talking loudly on his phone so the whole damned bus could hear his idiotic conversation. At one point he said, "I don't really like to make plans. I like for plans to make themselves." That has to be the most idiotic, meaningless statement I have heard in a very long time. Then he was talking about some chick he was seeing, "I don't think it's gonna work out with Grace," he said. "It's just not flowing." There's another dumb idiot retard statement right there, see? What a fucking asshat.

Kapreles On Flickr

My old pal Kapreles now has a Flickr page with a whole bunch of his drawings available for your inspection. Some of his stuff is funny, some not so funny, but maybe because you don't understand it (but maybe neither does he!) Why not go take a peep anyway?

Kapreles Drawings

RIP George Carlin

One of the funniest motherfuckers who ever lived.

As Jon Stewart once said, "There are two things that comedians of all stripes have in common. One, the belief that someone not as funny as they are is doing better than they are; and two, a sincere love and respect for George Carlin."

Masculine Pappadums

I just heard the funniest thing on the radio. The BBC were interviewing Indian men (in Bombay, or Mombay, or whatever it's called) about facial hair. One dude said he wore a big handlebar moustache because he didn't want to look feminine, but masculine.
Is that hilarious or what!

Brad Renfro 1982-2008

I only just found out that actor Brad Renfro died earlier this year. How fucked. I will always remember him from one of the coolest comic book movies ever made: Ghost World.

To An Ex

Did I watch Origin? Good grief. You're still a big sports dag, I see. No I didn't watch the footie. One of my facebook friends wrote something like "Go the blues!" which I think is such a retarded statement. The whole thing is idiotic if you ask me. Going bananas over sporting teams. My friend The J Man wrote the best line on that when he said, "These people who spend all weekend watching sports. The only excuse must be that they have completely memorised the Bible..." He's somewhat of an extreme Christian, so it was funny.
Anyway, my mother goes bananas over the tennis still, so I just say whatever, if you like that sort of thing go for it, but I'll take an afternoon with my nose in a book thanks (or a video game, or movie, or even dusting, or cleaning the toilet).
But having said that, you won't find a bigger fan of women's synchronised swimming, or gymnastics.
And yes, I do cook in my microscopic galley kitchen. I like to pretend I'm on a boat. It's cosy!

Textures - Millstone

If you don't mind a bit of shouting, you might love this song and video as much as I do. Their new album Silhouettes is very good too.

List Feedback Appreciated

It's so wonderful to receive feedback when you have posted a list of various items you have bought in the past few weeks. It makes the effort to type it all out worthwhile, it really does.
I'll post another list soon - I only hope it inspires my readers as much as the other one did.

M3T4L

Awesome-est Metal website of the year:

Metal Sucks

Rejoice!

Lists - April 2008

Juice
Baked Beans
Cigarettes
Crackers
Muffins
Roach Bomb
Baked Beans
Coke
Panas
Easter Eggs
Deodorant
Matches
Beer
Sugar Soap
Scrubbers
Travelten
Lemon
Cheese
Pickled Jalapenos
Sour Cream
Cigarettes
Lemon
Minced Meat
Tortillas
Salsa Sauce
Muffins
Peanut Butter
Tissues
Muffins
Coke
Cheese
Chips

Ganzer Syndrome

'...Ganzer syndrome, in which the soldier will begin to make jokes, act silly, and otherwise try to ward off the horror with humor and the ridiculous.
The degree of affliction in confusional states can range from the merely neurotic to the overtly psychotic. The sense of humor exhibited in the movie and television series M*A*S*H is an excellent example of individuals mildly afflicted with Ganzer syndrome. And this personal narrative provides a look at a man severely afflicted with Ganzer syndrome:

"Get that thing out of my face, Hunter, or I'll feed it to you with hot sauce."
"C'mon, Sarge, don't you wanna shake hands with 'Herbert'?"
"Hunter, you're f---ed up. Anybody who'd bring back a gook arm is sick. Anybody who'd bring one in the tent is begging for extra guard. You don't know where that thing's been. QUIT PICKING YOUR NOSE WITH IT! OUT, HUNTER! OUT!"
"Aw, Sarge, 'Herbert' just wants to make friends. He's lonely without his old friends, 'Mr. Foot' and 'Mr. Ballbag.'"
"Double guard tonight, Hunter, and all week. Goodbye, sicko. Enjoy your guard."
"Say goodnight to 'Herbert', everyone."
"OUT! OUT!"

Black humor of course. Hard laughs for the hard guys. After a time, nothing was sacred. If Mom could only see what her little boy was playing with now.
Or what they were paying him to do.

- W. Norris
Rhodesia Fireforce Commandos'

from On Killing by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman

Rinse, Repeat Retards, You're Fucking Dead

If I see one more person use the expression "rinse, repeat" and they're talking about something other than washing hair, I am going to fucking shit a fuck.

Fishing Fool

I'm not a PC gamer, but this might be enough to tempt me...

School Girl Skirt Lifting

Lost Cowboys

'I knew already that Hollywood was not to be believed. They had only borrowed cowboys, not invented them, hijacked them from the guys who are now south of the Rio Grande. In an effort to cover their tracks, if not their guilt, they had turned them into bandits or snivelling peasants.

It's time for the rewrite.

The orginal men who rode the horses and herded the cattle across North America spoke Spanish. After the gauchos, huasos, and llaneros, the wild orphans and the plainsmen, up here in the north the cowboys are, literally, the vaqueros.

Hollywood's celluloid conscience has begun to rehabilitate the Indian, but to admit the debt the Anglos owe to the vaqueros would be to accept that the Anglo cowboys are pale shadows of the real thing. And as the cowboy is as important to America as apple pie, that would be a hard Hispanic bullet to bite on.'

- Lost Cowboys by Hank Wangford [Victor Gollancz, 1995)

"Girl" Was 39-Year-Old Man

Hey, this sounds like a pretty cool idea. He probably should have shaved first though, and had his legs waxed.

Brokeback Mountain

I just finished watching Brokeback Mountain. It took a while to get around to it, but since Heath Ledger died I've been asked a few times if I'd seen it, and because I figured there would be some idiot retards out there who would connect his death and him being in this movie playing a gay cowboy, it was time to finally watch the movie already. In short, the movie was excellent. The acting was terrific, the mountain scenery was awesome, and the story was absolutely compelling.

The other day my brother told me that there was some ex-wrestler-turned-evangelical-jerk who has his own TV show and that he was squawking about Heath Ledger, that naturally because he 'promoted gayness' by playing a gay cowboy, this led to him dying young, naked and surrounded by pills. Apparently, he reaped what he sowed, or some such idiotic logic. People like this (the evangelical jerk, that is) are obviously possessed by Satan and need to be stripped, bent over and brutally raped with a gigantic steel dildo wrapped in barbed wire. Nothing less.

If you look up the review of Brokeback Mountain on MetaCritic you will find some hilariously retarded 'user comments', like this one:

"Any man that rates this above a 1 needs to take a long look in the mirror. - Ian B."

Ian B is an idiotic retard who sees nothing beyond that in this movie, in one scene a man puts his penis in another man's rectum. That's the sum total of what he bases his 'review' upon. People like this must be neutered so there is no chance of them breeding and creating more idiots. The world has more than enough already.

Another thing to note about these homophobes is that many of them have unresolved issues regarding their own homoerotic desires. They beat up on homos because they are too chickenshit to confront the uncomfortable truth about themselves. Also, it's a scientific fact that homophobes are far more perverse and offensive than just about any kind of sex fiend you could imagine, no matter how extreme. These homophobes are a dangerous menace that must be hunted down and terminated. But brutally anal raped first with a gigantic barbed wire dildo.

Amen.

Pig Hatred Is Inhuman

'No other group of living things has been so often discussed and so little understood, and disagreement about this is implacable. The taboo against pigs in the Middle East is just as vehemently opposed by the reverence in which pigs are held in most of the Pacific where they have become symbols of political and social power. Anyone there who refuses to eat pork is regarded as inhuman.'
- from 'The Whole Hog : Exploring the Extraordinary Potential of Pigs' by Lyall Watson [Profile Books, 2004]

Passport >>> Japan

I've filled out my visa application, now I only need to get a passport photo done then buy a ticket to Tokyo, or Osaka. I'm going in September. Not having been overseas since 1994, it's rather exciting. Something to look forward to, aside from the weekend, or a new Dragon Quest game.
One place I plan to visit is Mt Koya, which has an enormous cemetery on top of a mountain forest. There are paths throughout that are lit by hundreds of lanterns at night, and you can stay in a Buddhist monastery, if I understand correctly. I am hoping I can do some Zen practice, and get whacked on the shoulder with a bamboo staff by the Zen Master because I can't sit still for longer than two minutes.
I also plan to buy some schoolgirl underwear from a vending machine in Tokyo.

Not On Her List

An ex-girlfriend called me at work the day before yesterday. It was right out of the blue. We made some small talk, whatever that is, then she asked me for my email address. That night when I checked my email I saw that she had composed an email right after she had hung up the phone. In it, she admitted that she "missed the old times", whatever that means. Maybe she has the 'seven-year-itch' you hear about. She's married and got two kids. Another funny things she wrote was that I'd had a big influence on her, a positive influence. She missed talking to me. That was interesting because near the end of our five-year relationship she enjoyed telling me how disgusting and harmful my comic (Sick Puppy) was, and that since I had been in the mail room at my place of work for so long, I was a loser, with no ambition, that kind of thing. (I can usually take the slings and arrows, but that really hit me in the guts.)
In my reply I happened to mention that I'm planning to visit Japan later in the year. And Scandinavia in a couple of years. She wrote back and wanted to know what was so hot about Japan. She figured that it was because, when we were together, I "liked manga and Asian chix". Maybe she thinks I'm going on a sex tour. But wouldn't I go to Thailand or some place like that if that were the case? She also said, "Scandinavia is not on my list", as though that fact had some relevance to my list. She wants to visit Spain and Africa. That's great for her. She can go wherever she likes. And I can go wherever I like. And I'm going to Japan. And Sweden.

Cotard's Syndrome

French military surgeon Jules Cotard lived only 49 years (1840-1889), but he will be forever remembered for discovering one of nature's most sincerely fucked-up mental illnesses: Cotard's syndrome is a mental disorder where the victim concludes that he or she is dead. Sometimes the symptoms are more specific: Patients believe that they are missing certain internal organs, or that there is no blood in their veins, or that they have lost their soul. However, the ultimate manifestation of Cotard's syndrome (classified medically as a nihilistic delusional disorder) is the victim's unshakable conviction that he or she does not exist. It is not that these people fear they are dying; it's that they are certain they are already dead.
Sometimes the victims of Cotard's syndrome think they can smell their own flesh rotting.
- from Killing Yourself to Live by Chuck Klosterman

Currawong Adoption 1

About a month ago I started feeding a Currawong. Before that story though, I have to go back a bit.

There are big trees in the carpark between our unit blocks, and my balcony overlooks this. I like to sit out there when I smoke. Doing this, I got to noticing the different birds in my neighbourhood.

There are pigeons, for one. I was surprised when I first saw a couple of them turning over leaves and twigs in the soil beneath the trees, searching for bugs, or whatever it was. Before that, I had only known them for their scavenging in the city, in gutters, or near places where people ate. But this was different, and it changed my view of these birds. You hear them being called 'rats with wings' or 'gutter birds', and I had thought this way too, looking down at them, even with disgust, but seeing them poking around in the leaves and twigs like this made me see them differently.


Another bird that is everywhere here is the Indian Mynah. These are small brown and black birds with yellow beaks. They are an introduced species and considered a pest. For me, it's impossible to see them that way, the main reason being that years ago I saw one of these birds trying to rouse its crushed mate in the middle of a road. Its mate had been run over by a car, but the other bird was trying to make it get up. It would have to fly away when a car zoomed up, but then it would immediately return. Over and over this happened, and I thought, This bird is gonna get hit too. And I thought that people do things like this, people in stories, fairy tales, myths.


Similar in some ways to the Indian Mynah (and often confused with it), but an Australian native, is the Noisy Miner. These too have a yellow beak, but they are grey, white and black. These birds are well-named, since they are extremely noisy indeed. They are also bold and fearless, dive-bombing much larger birds when they get too close to their young.


Another bird that loves the trees in our carpark is the Rainbow Lorikeet. These birds are also noisy, and although they often produce low-volume, very amusing sounds, they are just as likely to screech and squawk as though they are throwing a tantrum.

Now to the Pied Currawong. These birds sometimes get confused with Magpies, since both are mainly black with some white feathers, but the easiest way to tell the difference is that Magpies have red eyes, Currawongs have yellow eyes.

OK, so here we are. How I started feeding these birds. One day, about a month ago, a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, I was on the balcony. A Currawong searching for food on the ground under the trees in the car park. I thought of the mincemeat in my fridge and went and got some and threw a chunk down. The Currawong saw it and went for it. It flew away into the top of some distant tree. Not long after that, I saw the bird in our tree again, so put a chunk of mince on the balcony railing this time. It didn't do anything, but seemed curious, so I tapped on the railing, making a dinging metallic sound, what I hoped would sound like a dinner bell, then moved back and stood in the doorway.
[to be continued]

Boss Fires Staff For Not Smoking

[I love this story. It's about time some whining anti-smoking crybabies were put in their place.]

The owner of a small German computer company has fired three non-smoking workers because they were threatening to disturb the peace after they requested a smoke-free environment.

The manager of the 10-person IT company in Buesum, named Thomas J, told the Hamburger Morgenpost newspaper he had fired the trio because their non-smoking was causing disruptions.

Germany introduced non-smoking rules in pubs and restaurants on January 1, but Germans working in small offices are still allowed to smoke.

"I can't be bothered with trouble-makers," Thomas was quoted as saying.

"We're on the phone all the time and it's just easier to work while smoking. Everyone picks on smokers these days. It's time for revenge. I'm only going to hire smokers from now on."

Reuters

Professor Natalie Portman

Natalie Portman fandom makes a lot of sense.

Wake up!

I was riding home on the footpath because the road was too busy. Up ahead were some sleepy looking young women waiting to cross at the lights. I could tell they weren't gonna step aside a little to let me pass, so I screamed:

"WAKE UP! GRAB A BRUSH AND PUT ON A LITTLE MAKEUP!"

Well, it did the trick.

No Country For Old Men

I just got back from seeing the new Coen brothers movie No Country For Old Men.

Josh Brolin plays a macho cowboy type dude who comes across these bodies while out hunting. He finds a suitcase full of money and takes off with it. A total psycho played by Javier Bardem (with an excellent hairstyle, I must say) spends most of the movie trying to track him down. Bardem's character has a rather unusual weapon - a gas-powered bolt type thing that he uses not only to kill people, but also to blast locks out of doorknobs. Tommy Lee Jones plays the sheriff trying to solve this messy crime, and catch up to Llewellyn (Brolin) before Bardem puts a gas-powered bolt into his skull.

The movie is enthralling from start to finish, often violent, very funny, it looks amazing, sounds amazing, the desert location is great, and I can't think of any negatives at all.

It was also cool to see Barry Corbin, who played mayor Maurice Minnifield in Northern Exposure.

Since this movie was actually released here on Boxing Day, it screws up my 2007 Top Ten a bit, since if I had've seen it last year it would have been in there for sure. Oh well. This shit always happens, since so many good movies are released on Boxing Day, and it's not a good time to go to the movies because everybody else has the same damned idea around this time, being the school holidays and all.

Mozzie Coil Quest

Why is it getting harder to find mozzie coils? Anybody know? I use mozzie coils every summer because I don't have flyscreens, plus I like the smell. Recently I asked a checkout dude at my local minimarket why they didn't stock mozzie coils any more. He shrugged his shoulders and said he didn't know, but they didn't stock them any more. Today I rode my bike to a mini market further away, where I found them last time, but this time there were none. What the hell is going on? I spent about ten minutes looking at the fly/cockroach/mozzie section and it seemed that everything is now geared towards flys and cockroaches. They did have Aerogard but I don't want that. You have to spray that on yourself, and I'll be damned if I'm going to bed covered in Aerogard.
So, tomorrow the search for another mozzie coil dealer continues.

Thanks for listening.

Holding On

Finished a very good book today called Holding On : Dreamers, Visionaries, Eccentrics and Other American Heroes by David Isay and Harvey Wang. Isay travelled around the US for three years (around 1991-93) interviewing these people, and Wang took their photographs.

I only found out about this book because I saw the obituary of Robert Shields in the Sydney Morning Herald. He was a guy who took diary-writing to an extreme, and he is featured here along with many other wonderfully unique individuals.

Miles Mahan is the creator of Hula Ville, a dusty theme park on the edge of the Mojave Desert. His inspiration came from a wooden cutout of a hula girl he salvaged from a Hawaiian restaurant in 1955.

Father Louis H. Greving is continuing the work of Father Paul Dobberstein who began building a Grotto of the Redemption in West Bend, Iowa. The grotto consists of eight caves connected to one another by stone paths and winding stairways. The entire structure has been covered with millions of tiny shards of stone and shell pressed into concrete and arranged into intricate patterns and pictures depicting scenes from the life of Jesus Christ.

Dewy Chafin and his mother, Barbara Elkins handle serpents (chiefly rattlesnakes) in their small church in Jolo, West Virginia. Scientists have not figured out how more of these people do not die from their occasional snakebites.

Jim Searles is the President of the Brooklyn Elite Checker Club. All the members are in their seventies and eighties, with minds sharp as tacks from their passion for checkers.

Dugout Dick Zimmerman was a hermit who settled in a remote Idaho cave. People came by and told him they wanted a cave too, so he began excavating other caves, so now he rents caves for two bucks night. "The rooms are surprisingly pleasant, even cosy. Each has a wood-burning stove made from a trash can, and a box-spring mattress. The more deluxe rooms have an old school-bus seat fro a couch, and an empty icebox in which to hang clothes.

Stanley Killar from Klamath Falls, Oregon is a record collector who has collected so many records his house is buckling under the weight.

And that's only a handful. There are 43 more. This book is so wonderful. It's one of those books that is hard to quit reading. Each profile is from two to six pages, so it's very easy to read 'just one more'. And it's the kind of book you will go back to, maybe when your life seems grim and robotic, depressing, or utterly meaningless. Books like these show us that it's never too late to get a life.

Modern Teens

Teen girl 1: "You know [points to teen girl 2] Marie's pregnant?"
Teen boy 1: "Who to?"
Teen girl 2: "Don't know."
They all laugh.

Overheard on train from Wollongong to Kiama (by Pauli)

East West 101

Watching new Aussie TV shows can be a disappointing experience. It's even worse when you are Australian. Naturally we want our own productions to be good, not to suck.
A new sitcom on the ABC debuted recently, it was called The Librarians. I didn't even make it to the end of the first episode it was so lame. I wanted to like it because my friend who works in the library at work told everybody to watch it that night. But it was terrible, and I was glad my librarian friend never got around to asking me what I thought of it.
On the other hand, a new Aussie detective show popped up on SBS five weeks ago and it's excellent. It's called East West 101. The focus is on two Sydney detectives. One of them is Detective Zane Malik, a Muslim who became a cop after watching his father get shot in the head in a bungled grocery store hold-up. The father survived but with serious brain damage. The other is Detective Sgt Ray Crowley, whose son has recently died from a drug overdose. Crowley has a problem with Malik, since Malik no doubt reminds him of the Lebanese smack dealer who was responsible for selling Crowley's son the hot shot that killed him.
Anyway, each episode deals with a separate new case that is solved by the end, while Malik's and Crowley's issues develop from episode to episode.
The show is top class and essential viewing.
Next week is the final episode of the six-episode season. That seems damned short to me, for a TV series. What the hell? Oh well, that's life. The best things are always over too soon.

Can't Read Swedish :[

Another of my NY resolutions was to finish reading the Kurt Wallander novels by the excellent Swedish writer Henning Mankell. Two days ago I finished the eighth book, and there's only one more to read: Pyramiden, which is a collection of five short stories that deal with Wallander and his early years as a cop/detective. To my dismay, I found out this afternoon that this book has not yet been translated into English. So that's one of my resolutions foiled already.

Hope it's not a bad omen for the year ahead :[

Paging Mr Don Shula

The daily quotation on my Collins desk calender today is from Don Shula:

"Success is not forever and failure is not fatal."

That's not a bad line, I suppose, though I doubt Mr Wilde has much to worry about, but who the heck is Don Shula?

The name sounds Hawaiian.

NY Resolution Fantasies

Happy New Year! to all my readers. One, two, three... Yep, you're all here. Good.
Anybody got any New Year resolutions? I'll bet you have been asked that before already, maybe more than once, and maybe you're sick of it. Or maybe not. Maybe you've got some good ones this year and wanna tell everybody. Well tell ME, go on! That's what the Comments button is for, after all.

As for me, quitting smoking is out this year. I'll continue smoking six or seven a day. I have tried quitting, but the fact is I enjoy the damned things too much.

Another one is... You can guess this one, it's not hard! That's right, writing in here on a more regular basis! OK stop rolling around the floor laughing your arses off. I know it's funny (like wishing for world peace), but it's true! I look back at how much I managed to write in 2005, something like half a million words or whatever it was. It sure felt like it. And they couldn't have been all bad. OK, mostly, but not all. Anyway, the main thing was how great I felt after writing a lot of that stuff. There may have been some delusion as to the quality some nights, but the main thing was that I felt like I had done something. "Something" meaning something more than eating or sleeping or watching TV. Or playing video games.

Plus, it's cool when somebody likes something you write. Even if it's only about your obsession with a woman who reads a book as she walks to work.

Anyway, either you know what I'm talking about or you think it's a load of self-indulgent bullshit. Of course, the latter may be true. But who cares? What the hell is wrong with a little self-indulgence anyway? Nothing, that's what.

That's all for now. More resolutions tomorrow! Maybe!